I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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