Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
