Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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