yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
