So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
