i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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