I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
