im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
