my vag is so smooth its legendary
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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