I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
