I cannot find my penis.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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