it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
