i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
