sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
