The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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