So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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