I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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