He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
