I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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