you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
