So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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you will always have a special place in my vag
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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