mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so explain again why im purple
no
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
