Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
