when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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