o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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