Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
