mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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