Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
