just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
