What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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