If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
