i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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