She's JV to your varsity
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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