why do cheetos always look like penises
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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