I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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