SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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