I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
