Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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