When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
