Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
