My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize