i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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