i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
