I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
