Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
