google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
