i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
