i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
