i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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