During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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