I will die if light touches me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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