Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
