I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
