just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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