No awkward lesbian experiences without me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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