you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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