At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
