If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
