Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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