just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
