Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
