The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You pole danced in your parka.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
