I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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