Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
