I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
