woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
