Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I believe in your delicious
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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