so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
