Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
