I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
