and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
