The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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