Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
