a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They took my balls.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
