I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
